This Drifting Poo Was Way Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a handful of shows stand out not for their brilliance, but for their notable shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with woeful writing, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. For a moment, as the final series started, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then came an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner announced this would be the last series. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, viewers certainly had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this show's problems. The subject of a very rare no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to start listing the problems. The hilariously leaden writing? The tedious veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly wilful procession of cliches? Acting so bad they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this show again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Given the legal troubles, domestic violence claims and parental failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this three-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any pity this series might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but flippant egotist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other problems. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which felt rather simplistic.

With Love, Meghan

Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine come to life; a poster for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Instead, the experience was akin to consuming a marketing brochure. She obviously has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too confusing to explain what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the smart recruitment of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from oddly breezy, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – intellectuals honestly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit escapades as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was way more examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.