The Phrases from My Dad Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of being a father.

But the reality rapidly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to talking about the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider inability to talk among men, who often absorb negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It's not a show of being weak to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a short trip away, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad choices" when younger to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."